Please Add Yourself to Brocktoon's Treasure Book
signed on October 3,2006
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signed on October 3,2006
Hey Brock, I was just browsing your seemingly amazing collection of MP3's, but apparently whenever I tried one of the links, I was told "Permission Denied". I would be much grateful should you fix the links (or took off any restrictions set to the MP3's). Thanks a bunch.
signed on February 29,2004
signed on December 27,2003
Hey I was trying to raid your excellent collection of classical MP3s but I get locked out every time I try to download. What gives? Look forward to hearing from you.
signed on December 3,2003
This Brocktoon site needs more pictures. It's hard to spank it to text.
signed on August 18,2003
Hi. Just trying to figure out what violinist is playing the malaguena in your music section. It says heifetz but I think that's just the arrangement, right? Thanks.
signed on August 14,2003
Brocktoon has been very very bad lately and is currently trying to make it up by creating a new web design. Currently, he is in the processes of interviewing potential positions for 'web czar', 'web spinner', and 'feeder'. If you are interested in any of these highly rewarding positions, email me and I will interview you (potential feeders must be able to lift 300+ lbs.) If you are not interested in any of these positions, please contact my office to set up an interview to determine why you wouldn't want to work with the esteemable Brocktoon. If you have reached this posting trying to locate the whereabouts of the elusive Brocktoon, please contact our Directorate of Operations for interview and interrogation (bring your feedbags.) If you are not sure why you have read this posting thus far, please contact our Supreme Leader through its Supreme Secretary who may be reached by setting up an interview with the new 'feeder' when that position is filled. Until then, if you have any information about the whereabouts of the previous feeder, please contact our feeding department though the Office of Waste Mixture.
signed on February 21,2003
signed on January 9,2003
gay
signed on December 20,2002
My fridge stinks of dried cottage cheese- Such an aroma can, surprisingly, please When one's aura already smells of detrius- No other stench stands to prove itself worse Sometimes our odor reveals our ardor- And sometimes things just reek worse than they ought to. There isn't a deoderant availiable To cure the foulness of the soul.
signed on September 23,2002
signed on September 13,2002
signed on September 9,2002
signed on September 9,2002
signed on September 6,2002
signed on September 6,2002
Big Willy Style is the best... Brocktoon is only second best, but I still dig the payphone numbers. I will add them to my little black book!!!
signed on May 6,2001
Your site terrifies me. As a scout denmaster of twelve years who has nearly gotten his doctor of divinity, and a phD in child psychology, I pride myself on being a bastion of Western decency and intellectual enlightenment. Your site, and this Brocktoon Character, are at the heart of depravity and inequity in our develish world. You are everything I despise.
signed on March 18,2001
I wonder what Brocktoon would have to say about the Human Genome Project. I would be whole-heartedly against it if it weren't for a remote and obsessive hope that this information might allow me to clone Brocktoon and eventually capitalize off of a corrupt and inhumane business selling Brocktoon clones in limited-edition jars to elderly people who have lost their souls. In the name of art, God, and all that is sacred, do you have a Brocktoon DNA sample lying around anywhere?
signed on March 3,2001
signed on February 28,2001
signed on February 21,2001
my hopes are that you hire somebody to redesign your site.. ;) my dreams are that the person you hire knows something about good design. my comments are: what the hell is brocktoon? and why is there a jar involved? I remember falling off the bar stool. I don't remember how it happened. maybe it was the mezcal.
signed on February 12,2001
Michelle says your friend Jeff is kinda dorky. We are looking into your life. Very bizarre.
signed on February 12,2001
signed on February 7,2001
Get me out of here!
signed on February 7,2001
Get me out of here!
signed on February 7,2001
Well, after a long six months of asian boys and scat porn, i can honestly say that there is a void in my life just about the size of a big plump man in a jar. my quivering asterisk is crying for triforce nubbin. chunk
signed on January 22,2001
I am so glad that you exist, that you are there! I want to come into your jarr and breath the same oxygen with you!
signed on January 2,2001
Merry Christmas Brocktoon! and may you have the plumpest New Year!
signed on December 24,2000
As the spokesperson for MAT (Mothers Against Toon napping), I am shcoked and disturbed by the perversion of decency residing in this site. Toon napping is a serious crime, with serious consequences. Think of the family, the friends, the gynecologists of the poor man you have toon-napped and put in a jar. Whoever you are, and whoever Brocktoon is, know this, WE WILL FIND YOU, and free Brocktoon from his jar of depravity and incest. Brocktoon, if you ever read this, there are many who want to rescue you, so that you can live a functional, albeit deviant, life. Peace and love, MAT.
signed on December 23,2000
Yo, we went looking for a website on Mr. XXXXXXXXX and we searched under his highly elusive nickname BROCKTOON. When your website came up we were totaly disturbed and uncomfortable to know that there are other people out there who are obsessed with BROCKTOON. We don't know who you are or why you play with your pubic hair so much but we respect your love for BROCKTOON. LATERS- Brice P.S. It is still not ok to keep him in a jar in your basement!
signed on December 12,2000
HEY, For the last time... stop sending me my brother's pubic hairs. check your addressess damnit... besides, I have enough of them already... he giftwraps them for the family every Christmas. If you want Brocktoon back... I suggest you hang a naked picture of Han Solo out the window and he'll be there in a jiff. Make sure Han is wearing tassals... he likes that. Adios Brockfaggot
signed on December 4,2000
I have your precious brocktoon, and am ready to bargain. I found him hopping cars on brocktoon transporters in Dallas. He had been working part-time jobs as a jiz mopper, septic tank cleaner, and manicurist. Now he is mine, and I am starving him, letting his plumpness expire, and cleaning up his feces and urine. I keep him bathed and well-groomed. He is turning into quite the handsome man. He has even started talking and noticing women. If you want to save him from this fate, you must meet my ransome demand. I am not sure what it is yet. More to come. Until then, just so you know I am serious, you will receive a pubic hair that is unmistakeably the Toonster's in the mail soon. Love, Toon napper
signed on October 9,2000
Brocktoon! Where are you? I was told it was not OK to put you in a jar in the basement, yet here is your jar. Where are you?
signed on September 15,2000
perhaps brock yearns for a sweet melody...wieniawski...saint-saens...barber...no matter...any will do...music can erase the sorrow...he seems to be running from a deeper pain...so play for him...you'll see....
signed on September 10,2000
I'm typing this as fast as I can before he gets back into the jar-room ... send me your brilliant ideas to jar@brocktoon.net; ideas to fatten this website... emphasize fat. I can't ever be freed from my glass prison at these rates
signed on August 31,2000
signed on August 23,2000
My hopes and dreams is that someday I can make a web page with the least amount of information but with an abundence of jars like your page... you bring honer to the Lauer family through this page... We are all proud of you and your accomplishments... keep up the good work donkey licker. And remember my saying... Always take the bread from the middle... the ends tend to be more moldy... Your bro... CWL
signed on August 21,2000
hi -- you are a freak, brock. from sweden, where we don't have people like you, thank goodness, Sven
signed on August 21,2000
Never before have all my fetishes been fulfilled by one website! (And I do have ever so many!) Seeing as I have been genetically engineered specifically for the purpose of praising your website, I really could not feel any other way. Inside my psyche, my cramped soul cringes at every click of the mouse and at every image Brocktoon (all hail!) presents. My misery is eternal and cannot be described. Now I must return to your virtual site of torment.
signed on August 14,2000
All I'm trying to do here is maintain a website from inside the confines of my various jar prisons. Please if anyone can get this... free me before I'm forced to produce anymore webpages. I want to be free! .......adsfja0dsfjn~!!!!!!!!!! (please disregard this post) Brocktoon would never say that. -jarman
signed on August 14,2000
Ryan, This is Gibbs and Yas from the Joshua Bell World, returning the favour by signing your guest book! We would also like to thankyou for visit our site. You might want to have another gawk at it now. The contents are still pretty much teh same for the time being, but we've come up with a new page design to make the offical Joshua Bell site a child's play. Muahaha! Anyhow, glad to meet another Joshua Bell fan! Mail us sometime at jbw@mostlysunny.com. Great site!!
signed on July 23,2000
Strange vibrations this sultry Thursday evening. I hung a six by two and a half window yesterday, and mowed two acres today. I hang drywall, paint, read, publicly simulate masturbation, but nothing helps. Truth: I'm lost without Brocktoon. Brocktoon, if you are out there, please come back to the air-tight warmth of your jar. I check the train stations, the airports, the subways, the sewage treatment plants, but just rank vagabonds displaying the dark underbelly of our pitiful nation. You are hope; you are sexual orientationally challenged. The lid's open, and I left the light on for you. Come home, please, come home.
signed on July 21,2000
Well my hopes and dreams are to one day learn how to make such a grand webpage as you Ryan!! What is up with the jars?? Are you some kind of pack rat, or is it some mathematical/geometrical thing..Anyways, glad to see you have a lot of time on your hands.. Cari
signed on July 20,2000
Ryan, You are getting some wierd stuff at this site. I don't get it. Love, Mom
signed on July 20,2000
Take control of your life......leave this site, come to where it's safe!!!! Bad things will happen to those who masturbate. Leave out the raisins in cereal....breakfast is no time for sun-dried fruit. Make more prostitutes affordable to those in need, it will be your day soon. Cigarettes cause cancer, take the risk. Many people see blue unicorns in their dreams, but not me. Let me help you. Brook Toon, Independent Business owner.
signed on July 19,2000
strange...
signed on July 12,2000
bloobity bloo blaabity blaa
signed on July 11,2000
To never have to resort to collecting jars
signed on July 11,2000
To never have to resort to collecting jars
signed on July 11,2000
I got this URL off of the men's room at the Sportsman, West Lafayette, IN's first and only alternative lifestyle bar. Me and all my queer friends love fat sweaty men, and so naturally we love Brocktoon. We are deeply saddened to hear that he has escaped, and wish to offer the assistance of our entire people located in the greater Lafayette and West Lafayette area. We may be living in both moral and legal sin, but that does not mean we don't take great umbrage to hate crimes aimed at certain minorities, like great big fat gay persons who live in jars. All hail the man in the jar. P.S. My friend Trey knows you, and thinks you've got a juicy big gay ass.
signed on July 8,2000
Brocktoon loves Mary Kate and Ashley! I like to talk to my Mary Kate and Ashley dolls when we all sit down to have tea and watch old Full House reruns. Those crazy girls! The Olsen Twins Rule Brocktoon can finally get e-mail to my favorite web site. Click on my name above or just remember brocktoon@mary-kateandashley.net I love them so much! -B
signed on July 5,2000
I'm really glad I had a chance to view this site. I mean, some of my goth friends were talking about it all night, and man, they were just obsessed with it. So I checked it out, and it was beyond my wildest expectations. Ryan, you've really outdone yourself this time. It's like every time I think that you are sweaty Brocktoon perfection, you do something so incredible, so intense, so, I don't know, it just makes me want to scrape off this white makeup all over my face, quit listening to shitty music and hating everyone, and go back to being a slightly overweight frat boy. Tonight when i cut myself and paint my toenails black I'm going to think long and hard about all of this. All hail the fat man.
signed on July 5,2000
Well, being your only and MORE SEXY brother, I should give you some words to live by. Here we go... Cheese... Cake... Chewbacca.. there ya go. The three C's. Making a web page is like a clay pot. Each movement of your hands can make it into whatever you want it to be... beautiful, enlightening, exoctic... But with you... you forgot the clay... Basically todays lesson entails that you should ALWAYS put in your brain before getting up in the morning.... oh... and to live long and prosper. Weber out.
signed on July 2,2000
Well... looks like everything's back to normal here in my little cyberworld... I had to whip Brocktoon into editing some code when I moved this perl script over to brocktoon.net What a great day in internet history... the birth of Brocktoon.net How wonderful. E-mail the jarmaster at jar@brocktoon.net and be enlightened for free. Love, Brocktoon
signed on 18.58 July 1,2000
I don't get the jar thing. maybe I'm just not hip to your lingo. Maybe its some$ metaphor for life like the jar actually is intended to invoke the connotation of a door being ajar and this is your way of saying that whenever satan closes a window he leaves a door ajar... Tell Linus hello and long live Brocktoon! ps you are an incredibly gigantic COMPUTER DORK
signed on July 1,2000
Bite me.
signed on June 30,2000
Wow....what a nice page. You know, you can tell a lot about a person by his or her page. Yours tells me you're THE BIGGEST COMPUTER DORK on the interent. That's pretty dorky, in case you didn't know :) Oh, well. I know I just brightented your day by signing this so I guess I've done my good deed for the day. Keep Btown hoppin' for me :)
signed on June 30,2000